Pockets full of clove

Swiped from the left side of the stove

It tickles my nose

I sit uncomfortable at the table

Costumed in another’s label

And George is staring again

A table of friends

A table of men

I spent the afternoon with Joni

Travelling the world

Talking bout a boy and moving girls

Thank you for filling this head

During this dead dinner party of strangers

I imagine one day I’ll write this night down

And send it to my best friends lover

Pray that they release each other

By the fourth year

If you’re sitting at the table with the same fear

And the same old stranger

Then you must go

With a handful of clove

You must go

Take a bite out of the pipe

That travels on the subway line

Picking back a scab you’ll find

The story of a lover’s night

Sometimes I wish to smash my head into the wall

But who would that help

No one at all

All the kids that scream and dance

Got ants and dirt climbing their hands

So I would pretend of ice

And polars snarling as they bite

Sometimes I wish to lay my skin down on the ice

To numb the dumb vibrations

The not so nice

Faces full of full of nothing

Brains got dizzy from a sound

Pumpkin seeds align the table

Guts in a cook book by a clown

Sometimes I wish you’d see me listening to you

But all your sense is spent and

Now your’e all blue

Who was it that once aloud said I wonder

Word after a word after a word is power

You’ve got lots of words

So just think before the shower

You should have known me better

I should have left you sooner

They should have not encouraged

This boring behaviour

La da da da da da da da

La da da da da da da da

La da da da da da da da

Take what is left of me

I’ve got a spare key to the room that I’ve tucked away

Last parts that I want to say

If you get hungry take a bite

I’ve got frozen feelings burning under stairs locked up tightly

So take what you want of me

I won’t go empty

When I was seventeen

I met a man who thought he’d scrape me clean

Ideas lean and skinny feeding off my youth

Toothed with the words like

“I love you, I love you, oh honey I do”

It’s funny that you’ve been loving me like you do

Oh I hope you choke on your food

No more hunger

Break your dish lady

You don’t owe no damned spaghetti anymore

Break the dish lady

And walk out the door

Hello

It’s been long since I’ve seen those wrinkles on your small hands

And I can’t shake your smell of cigarettes

I couldn’t bare the thought of you

Of you forgetting

Ya I know I haven’t cut my hair yet

But the scissors in the kitchen are so dull

Have I forgot to mention

The painting that I left on your wall

It looks lovely

Ya I know my hair’s in knots and dry

But I just couldn’t catch the time to care

About my hair or the letters

Hey is your eyesight getting better

I hope you know you cracked me open

You left me angry and alone

You know I think about you when my friends say they’re going home

But I’d rather phone

Short and crackled still I’d rather know

Does your voice still catch the air

And do you miss the outfits that I wore

The way I closed the door when I left

Your cats didn’t mind it

I bet those cats are crying now

Empty bed empty kitchen

I left the dull scissor sitting in the drawer

Of beads and bird seeds

Simple dreams

A visit home to an empty space

Where are the looks sweeping your gentle face

And I thought

I though I’d never return

I could say yes

And I could say no

But the time seems to linger on so slowly

It’s been hours days and years

Since you’ve been here

Since you disappeared

Collected poems burn into a stove top

Rusted pots with your nights of giving up

You left your shadow in my clothes

I feel too old to wear anything

I lay naked on the bedroom floor

Don't know my furniture anymore

It’s been hours days and years

Since I let a fear fill me

Oh I hate when you call me dear

And I no longer know what’s good

No longer know what’s right

Got no sunshine

No night no moon no stars

No appetite

O it’s hard to know

Where to go

Where to hold

When your body’s too cold for the world

It’s over

Its over

I am too young to be this sober

It’s over

It’s over

It’s over

And I’m too old to be this sober

I spilt a jar of jam on the carpet

And I can’t remove the stain

Now when I look down

Reminds of the fight we had that day

I can’t go living this way

With you etching yourself in between the lines of this spine

I think I'm going crazy but you were never supposed to be mine

Sometimes I wanna scream so loud

People come running

Punching beds to get out

Just to feel something

I suppressed you for four years now

And it’s making me anxious

Hiding in the pool of numbness

Maybe I’m scared to talk about

Sometimes I wanna scream so loud

People start running

Punching beds to get out

Just to feel something

Sometimes I wanna scream so loud

People come running

But I’m standing still in my house

Overwhelmed

I’m not trying to blame

But I am not the same

Happiness came easy then

No I am not the same

The day speaks to me in the morning

When I sleep through it

I Cry

When I was a little lamb

I thought I was an abstract yam

Plucked and placed in someone’s hand

My brother told me this I am

From outer space

A stranger kind of place

So I went to find some clues

Smiled so big and hid the booze

I maybe thought I’d find the truth

Hidden in the bottle

That got old and so I ran

Over the hill bumped into man

I said “Hey sir, do you know where I am”

He said “O sunshine, good luck”

Luck luck is all I need

Luck luck luck is all I need

Luck luck

I dreamt about what he said

And grew too tall for my bed in one night

Just one night

I thought I’d better share my bones

And give them to friends who need the growth I thought right

I thought right

I wobble now sliding to sleep

No longer feel my floating feet

I never thought they’d never not need me

So take a piece of outer space

You wondrous winner of the race

And when you think of your great escape

I hope you think of me

But the day speaks to me in the morning

The day speaks to me

When I sleep through it

I Cry

Life is a word when the others have gone to sleep

To sleep to sleep to sleep

Money’s a snack when the moments don’t keep

Don’t keep don’t keep don’t keep

I’ve got rotten clothes hanging for too long

Sentimental jokes

Jokes

Woven into sleeves I know

Notes from six grade to prove the growth

To prove the growth

To prove the growth

I’m tired again

Why do I always gotta get so tired again

I’m wired again

It’s three in the morning and I’m wired again

And my back is broken

In half like a ballers calf hanging like an awkward giraffe

And the lights go out

She’s sleeping in my dreams

Quick and nimble she breathes

Like a factory machine

I’m bleeding again

Staining sheets with an IUD Like a broken red pen

I’m quiet again

Quiet my internal riots don’t support your boring language

And my hands are broken

Snapped back tryna stop the faucet from overflowing

I dream again

Of a muted world

Like the one we’re living

But I'm a little girl

And I stretch for freedom

But she can’t reply

And when they let somebody die

They whisper

Let’s turn off the lights

This bed is overflowing

This bed is overflowing

And my body is outgrowing it’s shelf

This bed is overflowing

So hold on lover hold on

We may be dreaming

Undercover

Honey Lover

Scuba-dive into this body of mine

Spoon the treasures from the inside

Drenched in rubies

Feed your soul and your mind

Cuz I've got nothing to give you boy

Take my spine and paint it

The curve of your world

Take my lips to kiss away the burns on your skin

Here are my eyes

Please take them

Cuz I've got nothing to give you boy

I’ve got nothing to give

Honey Lover don’t be shy now

The clothes off my back make no difference

I don’t mind sharing my time

As long as it’s enough

It’s enough

Take my spine and paint the curve of your world

O take my lips

O take my lips to kiss away all the burns

And here are my eyes

Fool please take them take them

Cuz I've got nothing to give you boy

I’ve got nothing to give

But this

O I've got nothing to give but this

Boy

I’ve got nothing to give but this

She sits on a branch

Studies the daylight

Prays to the breeze

A home for the bug bites

She bakes every Monday with an apple in her mouth

To hush away the onion pain

The guilty and the doubt

She feeds all the flowers

With money from the store

But its running out

She doesn’t have much more

She spits all the dew out from her eyes

A pocket of church bells weighing her thighs

And she knows the going on

The trick of the world

To steal away the golden hours of every free girl

So she hides all the hours

And locks them in an old tin box

To save for her child

Who will never be born

He’s got lots of pictures

underneath the bed

And you’ve got lots of pictures

hidden in your dizzy head

And maybe you could show em

But you’d rather rip em to shreds

Cuz no one’s gonna tell you

when to put them all to rest

And I think he smells like winter

But he feels like the spring

And the sky has scratched itself open tonight and started to sing

It’s been bleeding for a while

Pink and gummy like your tiger smile

And I feel free again

Like when I was a child

And no one’s gonna tell you

That it will be this way

And no one’s got the handful of marbles showing your face

And no one’s gonna tell you that it might work out okay

No one

No one

And I’ve got crawlings late at night scratching to break in

And you’ve got a pile of private jokes

that feed only your kin

And when I think of mother

The turtle’s gonna win

Cuz no one’s gonna let you go back home wondering how you lived

And we’ve got eager flowers climbing up the walls

And I take too many showers for lingering skin that cries to crawl

The corners of the room

Stretch out demanding time

But the time is not the fever

It’s a case of what is mine

And no one’s gonna tell you

That it will be this way

No one’s gonna say that things aren’t gonna stay

Maybe it’s for the better

But I don’t even know how to pray

Oh god

Oh god

In the quiets of the morning

Hiding in a sparrows chin

You sit to face the dew dear

You wait to face the wind

I know you know I'm waking

You place a smile on my wing

And I float for a second

I choke with the thought of the lift

My legs have caught the current

Shedding it’s sheet

And I can’t seem to settle

We laugh and cry and scream

And no ones gonna tell you what it feels like to live

And no ones gotta tell you

What it feels like

To live